Golf widow

Muck up day:

"The last EVER day of secondary school or college, when everyone in the senior year sets up various pranks to amuse the younger students (and themselves)."

It's a beautiful day, and it's also the one day that everyone in 6th year turns up to.


Why wouldn't you? It's your last ever day of school, and you get away with everything.

Almost everything.


Stuff to do on your last day of school:

• Ordering a heap of fast food to the school, under your headteacher's name... to be delivered at a time where he has a meeting.
• Cover a teachers car in tuna and shoving a potato in their exhaust.
• Block the stairway so no-one could get to class.
• Tie people up with clingfilm
• Release two sheep in the school; One labelled "One", the next labelled "Three" and watch as the teachers run around the school in panic, attempting to find the non-existent sheep number "Two".
• Decorate the school... however you want.
• Put baby oil on the banisters.
• Fill water balloons with Ketchup.
• Dress up as superheroes... unless you actually are a superhero. Then you should probably go as ninja.
• Kidnap a teacher. Preferably one that won't press charges.
• Cry.

Okay... I did the last one for the 6th years. I'm just going to miss them so much!

P.S.E

I missed the last ever redgy with Mrs Talboys because of the buses *rolls eyes*


I can't say that I'm bothered about that. I am not. Seriously. I don't care.


Some redgy teachers were given presents, others gave presents, some made heartfelt speeches...


What happened in my redgy class?


Caitlin made a passing comment about it being the last ever redgy that 5F1 will spend together.


And then my redgy teacher mixed me up with Sara. And I wasn't even there...

Justifiable seen as I've been in her

class once a day (previously

twice a day) for almost

SIX YEARS!

We were down in Mrs Anderson's guidance room cause our class was so small.
It smells nice, but it's way too quiet.


So we ended up just chatting away, awkwardly, seen as Mrs Anderson could hear every word we were saying.


But it goes both ways!!

MRS ANDERSON: Yes, seen as I'm a golf widow! *laughs uncontrollably*

Me, Michelle, Claire and Lauren share a look that screams: What the hell is she talking about?!


We were meant to man the fire alarms all day (people could not be bothered doing that though) so the 6th years couldn't set them off, but it ended up failing because I almost ended up accidentally setting them off... twice.


Watch where you lean.

BIOLOGY

We revised our asses off in this per...


Hah! Just kidding, we played taboo.


Then it was break... and all of the 6th years were in the hotbar... Signing eachother's t-shirts, hugging one another, going insane with a beachball...


It was all very touching.


Mrs Henderson got hit on the back of the head with the beachball... good times!


She didn't even shout at Danielle, she just smiled. 


Told you, 6th years get away with everything on muck up day!!

Almost everything.


Signed Kristina's book, gave more people hugs than I could possibly name, signed Sophie's Hannah Montana banner (don't ask) and got a photo taken with Sophie and Lewis...


Then I saw Laura hugging Kristina and I just almost broke into tears...


I'm gonna miss those two so much!!

DOUBLE ART

Okay, here's the deal, I nearly cried about seven times in the space of these two hours.


I blame Kristina's book! Some people wrote some really beautiful stuff in it!! 
We were remembering the good times, including the legend of "ching".

LAUREN: CHING!

LAUREN AND I: *in Unison* Chiiiinngg... *broken hearted face* 

You see, it is in that very classroom that we came up with the greeting/nickname Ching. It happened when doing a dot picture, it's furiously dot the pen to make a piece of paper look like a teapot (don't ask) and whenever I would stop tapping, Lauren would shout "Ching!" from across the classroom because it sounded like a typewriter...


The legend of ching is finished.


I was upset by that.


Then Mr Lawson came in and called Greg gay...

MR LAWSON: Do you wear your trouser low?

GREG: Yeah.

MR LAWSON: Do you know where that came from?

GREG: No...

MR LAWSON: I'm not racist, but It came from black people. In prison, people used to wear their trousers like that as an invitation for homosexual sex.

Louie Spence:

A big supporter of the sagging trend.

Then again, he's also into the "cover your

manhood with piece of fruit trend"...

Note: Pineapple's are prickly. Ouch

Further note: It's not a fully grown pineapple,

which means he's a PINEAPPLE PAEDOPHILE!

Then Mr Lawson started to ask whether or not people smoked coffee... I switched off after that.

DOUBLE MATHS

Possibly the last time I ever have to do maths!! Which is good, but Calum and Sophie weren't there... so it sucked majorly... I'm going to miss them more than I can possibly describe...


Ahh-booooooo! 


Megan came round after school to cheer me up, we talked, looked up the next school play, "The return to the forbidden planet" (Look it up, it's dreadful)


All in all? It was a good Tuesday.


Lauren xxx

Hold on a minute... my Year head saw you naked?

Meet Squirtle, the awkward turtle.

P.S.E.

Is Mrs Anderson ever on time?

No matters. 

Me and Lauren had a lovely chat. So it's cool.

Linzie was saying that her cousin met Katie Waissel and Cher Lloyd in McDonalds. What happened?

As any normal fan would do, she asked her for her autograph.

What was there response?

"No."

"Oh my goooooood... Poor people. Ewww."

"Must... Cover mouth.

May. Get. DISEASE."

I am sorry, I get that if you are a celebrity in a small city, you will be getting a lot of attention. But seriously? No? Put them down bluntly if at all! Most celebrities just manage to grin and bear it!

Besides, GET OVER YOURSELF. You were in the final twelve of 2010's version of X Factor. Big celebrity. HUGE. 

Let's face it. It's hugely likely that they will be forgotten about by this time next year. So they should be nice to their fans while they still have 'em.

BIOLOGY

Abie lost her earring...

Eeeek.

ABIE: Ms, can I go to P.E. five minutes from the end of the period. I've lost one of my earrings.

MRS DUNCAN: Ohh, you're never going to find it if it's in P.E... But you can go, IF you finish your work.

ABIE: *really sad face* Aww... 

DOUBLE ART

I think I'm ill again *coughs*

I blame Kati for this.

RAWR!

No. That Skeleton isn't Kati... who is apparently a cat pedophile.

I was shocked by this too Kitty.

She was looking for skulls to draw (don't ask) so she looked in the box marked skulls (again, don't ask) and found a few Goats head...

So she picked one up, and a pile of dust came out.

KATI: Awww man, I'm going to get rabies now!

And now I feel like... BLEH!

More importantly though, my friend came out of the closest!

D'aaaw. D'AAAAW!

I am so proud of him. Society is much more accepting of differing sexualities now, but teenagers are mean to one another. Even straight people are made fun of for: Going out with the wrong person, going out with an ugly person, going out with a really pretty person, going out with too many people, not going out with enough people... It's like... Oh. My. God. Mind your own business. Do you have to hang with them? NO. So shut up!!

*shakes head*

Anyways, really proud of him, he seems so happy, which makes me happy!

Respect.

DOUBLE MATHS

Calum was off today, bless, he was actually ill this time, not just skivving ;)


And Sophie went over to see Danielle so it was just me and Dougal.


Oh. And some random first year...


He slept on my calculator after banging it.


Not banging it as in...


Yeaaah. 


GIVE ME BACK MY CALCULATOR.


'Tever.


Mrs Murray came in and she was REALLY angry.

MRS MURRAY: Can I see Jinky for a moment.

MR HUGHES: Not just now, he's doing an exam....

MRS MURRAY: I don't care. NOW.

Pffft.

So, as normal teenagers do... we lug in.

MRS MURRAY: *muffled shouting* YOU HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HIM!!!

First thing that happened when he came in the room?

EVERYONE: What happened?! 

JINKY: Danny Ross got naked in the 4th year common room. We were in the toilets and he just asked me "Do you think I should get naked?". I said "NO." But he did anyway. So he came out of the toilets totally naked *does impression of Danny standing happily naked, with his hands covering his... underparts*. He forgot that there was CCTV.

Yes. If you didn't guess already, my Year head saw one of the 6th years. Completely naked. Wow.

JINKY: Mrs Murray was wanting me to tell her who it was... but I said that I didn't know. So she screamed "You held the door open for him!" and said that she was going to exclude me if I didn't tell her who it was! 

*shrugs* Just your average day then?


Lauren xxx 

Ooops.

Throw a pineapple at me and call me Jim.

On second thoughts, please don't.

Pineapples are spiky.

I have failed you all. I haven't been up to date with this blog since Monday!!

But I have an excuse.

Mainly, The Script.

We are getting ahead of ourselves, please, step into the DeLorean and rewind back to Tuesday Morning.

P.S.E.

Those that can be classed as "dedicated readers" may remember me harping on about a talk called "Safe drive, stay alive" a few months back.

If you don't, no worries, this is just the talk that goes along with it.

The police guy that was doing the talk was way too energetic for a morning.

POLICEMAN: So... you've passed your test. WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

At this point, several people crap themselves. Another handful jump quite noticeably in fright. I was one of the one's who jumped.

But the guy had some knowledge.

POLICEMAN: Men can't handle two criticisms, one is their driving skills and the other is.... well... it's not their cooking.

How could someone possibly criticise

 a boy for his sausage?!

Perfectly baked everytime.

BIOLOGY

Had to finish off this experiment thing. Uncool.

But hey, I passed. That's all that matters.

DOUBLE ART

Finishing off my folio. Again, not interesting in the slightest.

Lunch was REALLY cute though.

It was Natalie's birthday, so her friends (Sophie Calum, Danielle, etc) went to the trouble of decorating the Hot Bar in banners and photos, they even had balloons.

And then Calum came out holding a cake... with lit, colour changing candles.

So sweet!

MEGAN: My Mum and Dad don't even go to that much trouble for my Birthday...

DOUBLE MATHS

Was separated from Calum and Sophie.


*Big sad face*


But sat beside Jaye and Reece, so it was okay.


I turned to my left and thought I saw Sophie and Jo doing lines on their jotters.


Turned out, they were playing that game where you have to try to eat magic stars without touching them.

How do you do that you ask me?


THE POWER OF SUCTION!!

Note: Never play that game with a Henry hoover.

You WILL lose.

REECE: What do you have to do?

JO: Just suck it up, really hard.

That's what she said alert.

Anyways....


Reece goes over and has a go. What happens? He sticks his tongue out frog style and eats that bad boy.

Nom.

And then he tries it again (properly this time) and fails miserably.

Don't worry Reece. Magic stars are only for pros.#

Then he was trying to levitate a malteaser

Like that. But with no annoying trance beat in the background.

It didn't work. Malteasers were flying around everywhere.

At night, I headed out to the AECC (again!) to see The Script with Chloe

It was AMAZING. I kid you not, we were half a meter away from Danny.

On THREE different occasions.

Don't believe me?

Squeal.

Just about fainted. 

Some of their TV performances haven't sound 100%. That is NOT their fault, I assure you. They sound amazing live.

They had a little drink on stage and Mark told us about Danny's "Drunk dialling".

It was. AWESOME.

Lauren xxx

Eating a crepe on pancake day...

Cause I'm mad!

If the plate was my Maths class....

And my thoughts were the caption....

Then I would be this crepe.

Today kind of sucked. Three buses drove past me today, one of them was a yellow bus, and caused Lewis to say:

The yellow bus drove past @Penguingonemad ohh well Lauren you were never meant for a yellow bus !! :) 

What a cutie! Haha, Michelle would always point out the yellow buses and say that they were designed for me.


I love my friends.

P.S.E.

We had some girl come in from this homeless charity called the cyrenians.


She said the word "heartbreaking" quite a number of times, which Sara picked up upon and said (quite loudly) in the corridor...

SARA: Oh it was heartbreaking! That was heartbreaking! Is everything heartbreaking?!

She was standing about one metre away from her...


Awkwaaaaaaaaaard.

BIOLOGY

We were getting told a "classic" today, about the 2nd year who almost got strangled by a hoodie.

Don't be fooled by it's smiley face.

It's deadly.

The gas taps were on and one girl was complaining of feeling sick. What's the next thing that happened? She fainted. Then, her unconscious body slid down and her hood caught on a gas tap, she was suffocating.

Eek.

Mrs Duncan asked some boy to unhook her, which he did, and then began to praise him:

MRS DUNCAN: It's good that you did that as soon as I told you to.

CLASS: Why?

MRS DUNCAN: She was strangling... She could have died.

CLASS: OMG!

Oblivious young ones. 


Jason was displaying his political views to the class... Again.

ABIE: *Whispering* Shut up.

MILTON: I swear someone just whispered shut up!

Our class is one big family reaaaally.


Met Kelly at breaktime, what a kid that is.

KELLY: My Mum is orange!

ME: *confusion* That's... nice?

Turns out she meant that her Mum had a phone that uses the Orange network.


Orange Wednesdays! Aaaah.


We were talking about swallowing tablets too.

LEWIS: I used to pracise swallowing by practising on...

KELLY: PLEASE finish that sentence.

LEWIS: Tic tacs. 

Shake your tic tacs Lewis!!

DOUBLE ART

I wish I would do something in art...


It's getting me down! I'm making no progress.


Talked to Kristina and Kelly for the whole two hours, so I was happy!


Want to see TK Maxx's mascot?

Stabby!

Lunch was boring. As always.

I wish we could just fast-forward it to make the day go faster!

Lewis got a half eaten sweet chucked off of him...

All together now.

EWW!

LEWIS: Feels as though I've got rabies....

Mwaha! 

DOUBLE MATHS

Maths can go and die painfully, in a hole.

This is what my answers are like in Maths.

I swear, the only good thing about Maths is Calum, Sophie and Dougal.

Even if Calum and Sophie "fell out".

Calum refused to make eye contact with Sophie so what did she do?

WHACK. Right on the back of the head!

But other than that? Hatred towards the course, even if we've finished it.

I don't know, I just feel so stupid. Can't do Maths. At all. Just want to go into foetal position and cry in that bloody class.

Doesn't help that Mr Hughes thinks I can do it. I can't.

I miss Halle.

Sorry, that was random, but she's gone!

Away to New Zealand to compete in the World championships for TKD!! I'm so excited for her!! But still, miss her like crazy :(

How was everyone else's day?

Lauren xxx

Killed by a pineapple.

Okay, what gives? It's a glorious, Summer's day... that is freezing and in Spring. So confused.


Linzie was telling me that her cousin took Advanced Higher French and for it, she has to speak to an examiner for twenty minutes, straight up, in French.


Eh... Impossible?!


I can't remember half of the stuff I learnt in French. I remember:


Je voudrais deux timbres si vous plait (I want two stamps please)
Je t'aime. (I love you)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi? (Would you like to sleep with me?)


Linzie remembered "Ce n'est pas ma tasse de thé" or, It's not my cup of tea in English.


So our French conversation would go like...

ME: Je voudrais deux timbres si vous plait.

EXAMINER:  Nous sommes dans une école, pas un bureau de poste!

ME: Je t'aime... Voulez vous coucher avec moi?

EXAMINER:  Ce n'est pas ma tasse de thé... *winks*

ME: Le paedophile!!! LE PAEDOPHILE!

I may be able to get an A in Advanced Higher French with that.


Or a lot of bribe money. Either one.

P.S.E

Despite being in 5th year, I spent the period doing a job that P5's usually do...


Ripping the labels off of folders.


So was doing that with Linzie, Sara and Claire. 


Linzie and Sara had to climb up onto a chair (Health and safety? Eat your heart out) and place the folders on a shelf, in colour order...


Then Linzie went and dropped the folder on my head. Thanks for that.

BIOLOGY

Brilliant period, drew a graph, and in terms of "work", that's all I did.


We went onto a new topic about populations, and Ms Duncan made it into an elaborate role playing/fantasy idea, where our class was abandoned on a deserted island.

Hammock not included.

MS DUNCAN: You'd land on the island and the first thing you would be thinking would be "Hmm, I'm hungry". So what do you eat?

AARON: Chicken 

JASON: Pineapple. 

MS DUNCAN: How would you eat the pineapple.

STEWART: Make tools.

MS DUNCAN: What kind of tools?

STEWART: A pineapple cutter.

MILTON: Wait... Is there any cows on this island? I'd like some milk.

MS DUNCAN: There's goats! Now, after you eat some food, what do you do?

STEWART: Make shelter.

JASON: Couldn't you just sleep under a tree?

EMMA: You might get killed by a pineapple whilst your sleeping.

What a horrible way to go.

MS DUNCAN: After that, you're going to need some sanitation, what do you do?

MILTON: Dig a hole.

MS DUNCAN: How?

ABIE: With your hands?

MS DUNCAN: Then what?

STEWART: Cover the hole pack up, or just leave it... *says something about holes sorting themselves out*

MS DUNCAN: *blank look*

STEWART: Have you ever made a sandcastle?

Spoke to Kelly at break about awkward pool moments. Like when you're stuck behind someone that is going up the stair out of the Swimming pool and their ass is in your face?


Awkward.


Or how about Old men wearing speedos, that don't leave much to the imagination?


Awkward.


Worst one? Getting water from someone's swimming trunks getting spilt onto your face because your climbing up the ladder just behind them.


AWKWARD.

DOUBLE ART

I got an A!!


Ch'yeah.


Hardly even revised. I'm chuffed with that.


We were just continuing on with our Design folios. Mine's is coming along but no-where near fast enough. Hurry up Lauren!


Listening to Rachel talking to Mr McDonald made my heart smile. 

RACHEL: So do you love your wife?

MR McDONALD: Of course I do, she's my best friend.

D'aaaaaw!


Overheard that Lauren broke up with her boyfriend by text message... that's not cool!!


Stephanie has a kick ass new hairstyle, really short. I wish I had the guts to cut it that short...

DOUBLE MATHS

Hell. HELL!!


I knew I failed that maths exam... 30%. Gaaah.


Technically, it was 31%. If you rounded it up.


Ahh well. I tried my best.


Only Dougal passed at our table, he's such a genius. He managed to get an A.


Sophie got three 6's... Haha, should have seen her face. Mixture of shock and happiness. Bless.


We were meant to find out where we went wrong for the double period. Double period? I need a month. 70% (or 69%!) was wasted because I had no clue.


Just wanted to go home and cry at my failure. Even though I was expecting it and even though I know most people failed it.


Felt sorry for Calum, Mr Hughes was treating him as if he should know these things. ALL of these things. So he can't remember a formula! Don't keep pestering him to give you the answer! Tell him what it is so he has a chance of remembering it.


Uncool.


Educated Calum about Wowzies though, and Calum, if you are reading this, information about Wowzie is here! And you are my Maths buddy and I'm glad we're both still on the course! ^_^


Ahh well.


Can't believe it's only Tuesday. This is insane.


Waiting for my Maths tutor to get here. Poor Charles. He fairly has his work cut out for him.


Lauren xxx