So school has started, and I have already felt crazy pressure. Grad school isn't easy; not that I expected it to be. Some days I just want to curl into a ball and pretend life hasn't happened. Pretend I am still a child with child like dreams... silly I know, but some days that is how I feel. Then there are days like today when I realize that the struggles are worth it. The bullshit of life is so very worth it, and even though I do not know where this path will take me that is the point. I am on a journey making and developing relationships, discovering who my children are, understanding my husband just a bit better. This is the only life I will ever have, even if I believe in reincarnation, it will be different next time. If I let the angsty bullshit of life drag me down who do I hurt? Life? No me and those around me. I am trying to live differently, to live openly. I have always been an introvert. I am the bubbliest introvert you'll ever meet. I keep my feelings close, fragile little things that break way to easy to trust with the world. Irony of all of this is that I am in a training program to become a counselor. Working on me in the end makes me a better counselor, it also makes me a better person. I have made so many mistakes in life, so so many. Mostly because I was unwilling to change, I would rather break then bend. It isn't worth it, the pain and fear. The grad school adventure has changed me in many ways. For the better I hope.
This has been a complete random mess of a post. I feel better for it. As the semester goes on my posts may be less frequent, but always heart felt. <3
Peace and Love