Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small, quiet voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you have paranoid delusions, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.
