Don't join a Japanese kidnapping site...

You get the messages, you know the ones, asking you to join some crazy foreign social networking site... "Hey!" you say, "What's the worst that could happen if I joined 'www.ukaii.co.jp'? I could meet some really cool people!"


What you don't realise is that Ukaii is the phonetic word for kidnap in Japanese.


You just joined a social networking site for kidnappers.

Before you know it, three 5ft 4" ninjas are coming after you and shove you in a cardboard box marked "Alaska".

This is you.

Apart from you won't be smiling.

And you'll be wearing this.

More on that later.

DOUBLE ENGLISH

So I was late.

If a bus timetable says a 21 is coming at 8.22... then a bus should come at 8.22!!! 

Buses get on my nut.

Although, I did find out that it was Scott that told the person who wrote "Osama Bin Laden" as the reason for lateness on the late board to write it down.

What a legend.

I was strolling casually along the English corridor at 9am, you know, only fifteen minutes late (Well, If I can't be fashionable, I'll at least be fashionably late) when I saw Mrs Fulton walking along the other side.

So I'm like:

"Okay... I'm late for class when we're meant to be writing essays, whatcha gonna say?"

She said nothing. Actually, she waved.


I'm going to miss Mrs Fulton.


I'm going to miss Lee too, I keep forgetting that she's going to leave... it's insane! Everyone's leaving!


I think it's because I keep telling myself that I'll see Lee a lot. Hopefully I'm not lying to myself. I probably am. I'm happy to live a lie, as long as I'm ignorant to the fact that it is a lie.


Which seems to be my motto these days...


That's not good... is it?


Lauren complained about the apple cups you can buy from school today.

Public enemy number one.

LAUREN: * makes a frustrated noise that resembles an orgasming chicken* Why can't I open this?! These are made for 5 year olds, how can they open it if 16 year olds can't even open it?!

ME: Because 5 year olds are pretty smart.

LAUREN: True...

ME: But they still believe in Santa.

LAUREN: I used to like Santa!!

ME: Aww.... did you fall out with him?

Sometimes... the oppurtunity for stupid comments are far too tempting to turn down.

LAUREN: I used to get told that Santa came down the chimney... then I realised that we don't have a chimney... So my Dad told me that he left the key outside for Santa.

ME: That could have ended so badly. "Ooooh, If I leave this key outside in January... I'll get double the presents!!" Come down in the morning, "SANTA TOOK BACK THE PRESENTS! And the TV!!" 

"Santa" is mean like that.

DOUBLE BIOLOGY

Prelim... enough said?


I keep thinking to myself that I'll do well... that I have revised enough to get a good grade.


Then, they throw me weird questions that throw me off track and I end up making what I like to call "not-so educated guesses".


"The lack of which enzyme contributes to the build up of phenylaline?"


Urgh... It's an enzyme... so it could end in "ase"... what sounds cool?


Pepsase.


It's actually Phenylalanine hydroxylase, but how was I meant to remember that?!


Abie kept herself amused by taking photos in the middle of the exam... Dr Robertson wasn't very observant.


She was taking photos of her calculator... she seriously fell in love with it. It looked like a pocked dictionary, you know, encased in a little cover with buttons on the inside. It said "laptop" on it, so Abie whapped oot the iPhone and, slowly but surely, took a photo of it.


*shakes head* Awww Abie!


Went to Yo! Sushi at night for Dinner with Ashleigh and Andrew, great fun!


Ashleigh started chatting to me about the progressive strangeness of Lady Gaga's videos...

ASHLEIGH: I mean, you started off with "Just dance"... They were at a party, it was normal!

ME: Yeah, that was fairly normal... Apart from the part where she humped a whale.

ASHLEIGH:  They were on LSD, these things happen.

Stole this from Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" video

shoot after party. Can you honestly

say you're surprised?

Somehow, Japanese kidnapping sites spawned from this conversation.

Natural progression of just about EVERY single conversation I have.

That's a worrying fact...

...

It got awkward, so I thought I would distract

you with this picture of a puppy.

N'yaaaw! Look at his tongue!

Andrew bought a bubble blower from the Kids section of Asda... wanna see it?

Kids section.

Bubble blower.

Sorry... Johnny is nuts.

Just read this on his facebook:

"Just discovered i slept in the bed i was conceived in last night."

Was a...

moment.

We went to the Batcave with Osama Bin Laden to vagazzle after that.


Putting "skilled in the art of making inappropriate comments" on my C.V.


Then we bought eachother leaving cards... in the presence of one another.


Failure? I prefer the term "epic win".

I bought Ashleigh a card that looked like a piece of toast... I almost ate it.


Not going to lie.


Lauren xxx


P.S. Would like to take the oppurtunity to say that I LOVE hanging out with Andrew and Ashleigh ^_^ Had such a great time.

Ooooh, BURN!

Not that kind of burn.

I can't believe I forgot to blog about last Friday. WHAT? How far behind am I?!

Had an amazing Friday as well.

Town with Mum was good, we were trying to find some new clothes, but nothing jumped out at us.

What did jump out at us?

The best comeback I have ever heard in my life:

RANDOM LADY: She's pregnant and even she's lost more weight than you!!

I burst out laughing. That was genius. No other words for it.


Went to see "Unknown" at night, it was brilliant, the review for it is up... somewhere... Best chances of finding it is by using the "Reviews" page to the right =>


...


Did I just do a right arrow? Wow. I am sorry for treating you like an idiot.


The movie was great, the fact that Halle had a little bit of a crush on Liam Neeson was not.

Seriously Halle?!

This guy could be your Grandaddy!

The new Republic shop had just opened, so me, Halle and Lewis decided to have a browse.

HALLE: I like that bag! I think that's going to be the one I take to college.

Yes.  My Best Friend is going off to College in a few months time. It's creepy! Haha, she's all grown up now!!


Off to our favourite restaurant, Yo sushi! after that.


Where we saw Finn, from Glee.

NOTE: It wasn't REALLY him

But you tell Halle that, she's pretty convinced 

Lewis was slagging off one of the female chefs... She was burning a lot of stuff, fair enough, but maybe she was just having a bad day.

Be nice Lewis!

Last post of 2010 (EEK!)

Well guys and gals, we've made it through another year...

So, I'll raise my glass (Once I have a glass, I will, until then, you'll have to make do with a Kinder Egg toy container) to you, and I wish you health, love, prosperity, luck and happiness for the year to come. I hope all of you students out there pass your upcoming exams, I hope that you all find/keep love next year and I hope that at least one of you will win the lottery. 

Unless your this guy... STOP DOING THAT DERREN! Give someone else a chance.

So, I got my hair cut today... for the first time in... wow, god knows. 

I mean properly cut, of course I had a haircut in the past few months, seriously, who do you think I am?

This guy?

Hence, new haircut. Still haven't made my mind up yet on it. So short, got a scare!

EEK!

Just don't look at the face and you'll be fine.

So went into town with Abie and Lewis after that, it was good! Learnt that Lewis NEEDS a personal shopper if he's going into town though... 

LEWIS: These are nice! Their a 34...

ABIE:  You're a 32!!

LEWIS: Oh yeah... *five minutes later* These are a 34...

ABIE: YOU'RE A 32!!

LEWIS: Do these look poofy?

ABIE: Poofy?

Ahhhh man. What a nut ;)


They did look a bit... poofy. Nice poofy though. They were bedazzled.


Was heading to F&B's for lunch, turns out it was a twenty minute wait to get in so we did a quick detour to our usual, yo sushi.


Apart from... Abie's never been before, so we took her to lose her Yo Virginity. Proud moment for any Yo sushi whore.


We had a huge order...

Chicken Yakisoba x3
Chicken Katsu Curry x3
Chicken Katsu
Duck Gyoza
Chicken Gyoza
Fresh Fruit
Chocolate Ganache cake
Chicken Tsukne
Diet Irn Bru x3
Diet Coke


Lewis made Abie mix Wasabi into her Chicken Yakisoba (Chicken and Noodles for non-sushi people). They said it was horrible. I didn't want to try it because I enjoy eating good food.


Haha, Abie took the Chocolate Ganache Cake off of the belt and tried it, then shoved the plate to Lewis and told him to eat it because it was too chocolaty. Lewis tried it and then shoved it to ME because it was too chocolaty...

ME: Ehh... I'll try a bit.

ABIE: Yeah! Just try half of it. Or it all.

I did try it, oh wow, never again, death by chocolate is possible.


Ran into Ms Duguid too. Whenever I see her, all I think of is The Attack of the Herbals trailer (0.55)

We ended up going to Hobby Craft to, I needed to buy Fimo for my Art project


Lewis has a Clown's car horn as his ringtone, I could never lose those two because all you could hear is "Honk honk!" 


Lewis costed Abie a fortune too, she was buying card making supplies for her Brother's 18th and he basically forced her to buy a pen, so cute ^_^


Not much else has happened in all honesty, Mum was going a little nuts with the hoover, she stuck it in my pet birds cage and started hoovering the toaster... 


Ahhh well, next post shall be in 2011! See you then!


Happy New Year! 


Lauren out xxx

SAAAAAAMMY!

I have a cold.


A pretty bad cold at that, I've been suffering all weekend because of it.


And you know who I am going to blame for this?


First bus company.

The face of evil.

In the morning, their is usually around 4 or 5 buses that comes to take us to school (21's) and maybe the same amount of buses for the other service that comes to my area, the 3, which doesn't take you to my school, but in another direction into town.

On Friday, their was ONE 21. And there was SIX 3's.

Everyone else at my bus stop went home at half past Eight, I didn't.

I stayed at that damn bus stop until ten to Nine. And I couldn't wait any longer because my feet were like ice cubes, honestly, I was in agony.

Fifty minutes I waited for that bus! And in that time, one had passed, completely full, and another one had went up, but it didn't come down so god knows where that went.

So I went home. And I had toast. And yes, I did watch a bit of a film called "The diving bell and the butterfly", which is an awesome movie.

And then I went out again to try catching a bus (Dedication!)

You know what happened?

A bus was already at the bus stop, so I ran to try and catch it at the next one.

Bus driver saw me running for it, he ignored me (SCREW YOU DRIVER!) so I was left in the cold again.

There was quite a few people that had to come in at 10.20. 

So no Psychology or English for me!

MATHS

Nice to feel missed!

Went into maths and Jo points at me and asks where I was in English.

So I explained, she said that happened to Stephanie too, and then said that we ACTUALLY DID WORK IN ENGLISH!

Shock!

No, seriously, shock. We haven't had a teacher in a month.

Calum informed me that said teacher was seen in Burger King.

Clearly she can't be that ill... unless she's contracted some sort of disease where the only cure is a Double Whopper for the King of Burgers....

Chew on THAT cancer.

Yeah. It wasn't Ms Alba that was teaching us (but you didn't expect THAT, did you?) 

It was Mrs Fulton.

Queue superhero music.

She taught us about a poem. Trust me to miss the one period of work we've had in months!!

Anyways, Maths.

Mr Hughes looked quite upset today. Sophie quizzed him on it, he said he was fine.

I don't believe that for a second, but hey, what am I supposed to do?

My throat was still hurting like MAD, so Calum was a little lifesaver and gave me a lemsip.

You gotta watch out with those mind you, nobody wants excessive diarrhoea.

Sophie had her glasses on, they really suit her, but it's adorable because they are kinda "Granny Chic"

KIND of like these.

But hers are nice :)

Anyway, our table was trying em on, Calum laughed and said that it made everything clearer, then he tried giving them to me to try on...

THEN Mr Hughes went into a long spiel... PRIORITIES MAN!

Calum's hand must have been numb, his arm was outstretched for like, ten minutes.

I tried em on... it was weird. They didn't really make much of a difference but my eyes re-adjusted, like a camera going into focus. So strange.

Mr Hughes caught us and asked Calum what he was asking me (Something about my eyesight).

Calum was confused (along with half of the class in all honesty) and then Mr Hughes said that it wasn't about maths so to shh'd.

It was alright though, we got away for "Queue duty" so we got away 5 minutes earlier.

Lunch came, and Ashleigh told me how she got FREE 30 Seconds to mars tickets *GASP*.

I wasn't that happy with her! I wanted to go to that concert so bad!

She went off to visit her YPI group, which was Befriend a child, the same YPI group as me and my group... so at least we won't feel as if we've let them down when we can't even pull a presentation together!

Then Sara told me the cutest little fact about sheep...

They know when Winter is coming so they try to keep themselves warm. They have some sort of thing in their brains that tell them when they need to go and find shelter and pile on the pounds.

INTELLIGENCE!

FREE

Can't explain how much I love free periods!

Was just me, Laura, Rachel, Michelle, Lewis and Lucas for a whiley in the study room.

Lauren (CHING!) and Kristina came in later on.

We were having a wee dance to some Christmas songs, was a right laugh!

And good vibrations... private joke, don't ask.

We were trying to bypass the proxy, get onto youtube and watch "Attack of the herbals" trailer to see Mrs Duguid.

It didn't work.

Ahhh well.

Mrs Haggarty and Mrs McKay got on to us as well for making too much noise... gah!

Then we decided to go outside and have a play about in the snow...

The snow makes this hell hole look pretty nice.

Kristina

EAT SNOW!

Fell down. Someone should really pick up that panel.

Also, Rachel, Michelle and I went up to 2nd floor to... play "Fast food rockers."

Explanation?

Bear with me here, I'm not entirely sure if this is correct.

A technician came into Mr Hughes class and asked to test the sound. To do so, he needed some music so he asked to borrow someone's iPod. Mr Hughes handed over his phone and what came blaring out of the speakers?

"Fast food rockers".

He then had the BIGGEST grin imaginable on his face, kinda weird for a grown man, even weirder when it's in relation to this song...

WARNING: I am NOT liable if your ears blow up or commit suicide whilst listening to this song

Lauren kept murdering quotes...

She's got killer accents! But... her ability to remember quotes is truly awful.

Take one of the classic quotes for Forrest Gump...

My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

So she says...

My Momma said "Life was like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you don't get what you wanna get."

She's re-writing a classic here.


Also, Toy Story quotes?

You are a TOY!

That kid also has an awesome sense of style in shoes ;)

ART

Mr McDonald was back

WOO-HOOOOO!

Yeah, we need to get him back anyways. Haha, we've done nothing in his absence! 

I had to go and find out how to make a perfume bottle stopper out of fimo.

Well excited! It's like plasticine!

And before you ask, this was for Higher art! So shhhhh'd!

Got to make a flower. 

So was on the computer, Kristina was trying to scare Mr Arburthnott cause he scared her or something like that :P

Was fun after school, went to the cinema with my amigos, Halle, Lewis and Ross.

Love em so much!!

Ross was telling us about his exam fails (He got the lowest score for Geography in our school's history, well done Ross!)

Then I told him about Megan's exam fail...

"NAME A USE FOR POPPIES" <= This was in Biology, so something like "Opiates" would be appropriate.

What did she write down?

"The Poppy appeal"

Couldn't explain how much I loved her for that!

Went to see Harry Potter again.

Was weird, the cinema was SOOOO cosy, and the film was so long (and I've already seen it), I was going to have a nap.

The boy on my right hand side, first name beginning with L, ending in S... HE fell asleep!

Haha, cutie!

It was really cosy though people, don't blame him!

Also, I was actually going to use Halle's shoulder as a pillow, and was starting to nod off, then she started playing with my hair... by the end of it, half of my hair was over my face!

Halle noticed something that she didn't notice on first vieiwing (WARNING: Highlight next part to see spoilers...

Madeye Moody died, how can you NOT figure that out toots!!

I noticed that Ron's waistcoat matches the couch 

Manly patterns.

By the way, you notice the lamp that is sitting on the windowsill?

Yeah, My Grandma has that lamp! :)

P-chooo

I took the oppurtunity to make some notes about the shots used, you know, directing practise? Got bored though. Still a great movie like, just don't go see it twice in a week or two. Ruins the magic.

We all went to Yo sushi after that (after Ross sat in a Peppa Pig's kiddie ride of course)

Chicken Katsu's all round!

There was this really sophisticated, artsy type guy, sitting across from us... he even drunk his beer sophisticatedly. 

Then Ross made this weird head nodding movement and a smiley face and I said that he looked like a Nodding dog that was having sex.

He replied with "Oh yesssssss"

Running joke? I think so.

Also bumped into this man, he was COMPLETELY drunk.

He put his hand around Lewis and shouted:

DRUNK MAN: SAMMMMMMMMYYYY!!! ... You're not Sammy, are yeh? *Laughs*

He admitted he was drunk (as if we couldn't tell!) and that he was in town with his mate.

ROSS: Sammy?

DRUNK MAN: Exactly!

He wanted to start a fight too. He didn't, he was a playful drunk, the kind everybody loves!

DRUNK MAN: How old are you anyway?

We all reply with our ages, no-one is over 17.

DRUNK MAN: No! NO! You are 22!!! *Taps random passers by on shoulder* These are my friends and they are 22!!

He then shook our hands and told us to have a good night.


AWWW!!


Hope he was re-united with Sammy....


Lauren out xxx 

If you're alone and you're eating, speak to a chef..

I look outside.


It's cold. It's windy. It's raining.

It's officially winter.


When I say Winter, the first thing you think of is Snow and Christmas, am I right?


Yeah. That's what I thought.


Rain and wind is NOT part of the deal winter! Give us Summer back.


Was watching Crash, which is an AWESOME film about Racism and bigotry, Nathan Dillon and Sandra Bullock are in it (despite having minor parts) and it's directed by John Haggis, brillaint film, I recommend it.

"You think you know who you are? You have no idea"

Love the tagline so much. 


Anyway, I braved the elements (No medal necessary) and went to the bus stop. 


Got to school, yadda yadda, you know the drill.

DOUBLE ENGLISH

So, for a double period, we had no english teacher.


We did, on the other hand, have two subs.


Mrs Fulton (Legend) and Ms *trails off*


Hay? Is she Ms Hay?


Ms Grubb?


Ahhh I don't know.


Me and Lee sat and talked for the first period, she drew some more fruit for her fruitbowl and talked about "Om Nom Friday's" 


Details on that coming soon ;)


Then we went to the other room to "Copy down notes"


From the computer.


Why can't we just print them off?


Because our school is poor and we can't afford photocopying.


Unless... there's no teacher to disapprove of this decision!


So that's what we did. 

We printed off 50 sheets of paper... 2 bits for the whole class, plus at least ten extra.


Because we're worth it.


Then Billy was telling us about this book, "The Life Of Pi".

BILLY: It's about this Indian boy from... Somewhere in India... Begins with a P...

MEGAN: Pakistan?

BILLY: No.

CAITLIN: Popadopolous?

BILLY: NO!

CAITLIN: Pompeii?

MS HAY: That's in Greece.

BILLY: Go look up Cities in India that start with P! Actually... It could be a C....

MEGAN: Oh my god, do we need to know this?!

MS HAY: *Looks up City* Pondicherry.

BILLY: PONDICHERRY! That's it! Well, he comes from there, and his Dad owns a farm, and the zoo has to...

KATIE: A zoo?

BILLY: Yeah.

KATIE: You said farm.

BILLY: Well I meant zoo. The zoo has to move so they put all of the animals on a boat, and the boat starts sinking so the little boy gets thrown onto this life boat, and he saves a tiger, then he realises, "Wait a minute, this could eat me" but it was too late cause the tiger was already on the boat, but it didn't do anything because he was tired with exhaustion...

ME: *To Lee* Was he high when he read this? 

Then he made us do this quiz, to learn the notes we got printed out, so everyone had to come up with team names.


Me, Lee and Jo didn't know what to call our's... So Billy helped us out...

BILLY: Okay Ms, right down the G. A. Shoots.

 Patiently, he waits for people to get the sexual innuendo.


Some people didn't get it. To which, Billy told them to say it all together and quickly.


If you are one of the people that didn't get that joke, see page below:


I aim to educate you on Sexual Innuendos. Your welcome.



Some people took longer than others.

 MS HAY: .... OH!!... That's disgusting.

Billy was quiz master.


This involved three things:

1. Tickling people with Ms Shaw's feathery duster.
2. Reading out questions into an oversized foam microphone (Yeah, that was just lying about...)
3. And finally, impersonating this guy.

Sexy.

DOUBLE HUMAN BIOLOGY

Not much was done.

I felt like a bitty of a waste of space that day! Not doing any work.

I felt bad for Dr Robo... he was getting a lot of cheek.

"No-one can be bothered"

"We're really bored."

"Is anyone actually listening?"

Poor guy. He's actually a really good teacher if you just pay attention!


I went home after that, thank god for double last on a Monday!


Went to town after that, nice just to have some time to yourself.


 There was this third/fourth year girl in Menkind, she had a pram (with a baby in it yes. Daughter? Sister? You're guess is as good as mine) and she sat in the massager seat for half an hour.


During school?


Hahaaaaa, god, the youth of today.


I apologise on our behalf!

CONFESSION OF A MOVIE GEEK:

I'm not like most teenagers. I don't go out drinking. I don't smoke. I'm not a slut. I sleep, eat, talk and watch movies. And I am content with that.

Got my Dad some Campervan cufflinks and a mug. His Birthday is soon. So's my Mums. Need to get her a prezzie too. Any ideas?

I went for a late lunch after that. I really wanted a Frankie and Benny's, but it looks so bad if you go in by yourself.

So went to yo sushi instead, I know most of the people in their anyways, not by name, but by face.

This girl from behind the counter smiled at me and then told me to take a seat wherever, then this boy came over and asked me if I've been to yo suhi before.

Automatic reaction is always "Yeaaaah" with a huge grin.

After my automatic reaction, I always want to change it to "Yeah, i suppose you could say that... you're new, aren't you?"

Then this chef that looked like George Takei (a LITTLE bit like George Takei)

Yeah, well he started speaking to me and he took my order, bless! ^_^

So I gave em a tip for making me full and feel less lonely.

Then went to starbucks.

God damn it Bethany Joy.

Peppermint Hot Chocolate... How I crave you.

She should really become their spokesperson.

They'd do well.

Anyways, I had a gingerbread latte, pretty tasty! Got sickening by the end though, but I had a Muffin Break cookie (I know, how fat am I?) and it gives the coffee a REALLY good after taste, like gingerbread dough.

NOM!

Lauren xxx