Dying to be thin.

Here I am, once again, scouring the darkest corners of the internet for people openly discussing their deadly problems.


It's time to talk about pro Ana blogs.


It's heartbreaking stuff.


Most open up with their current weight, and it's not uncommon for some of these girls (or boys) to be around six stone. That's not a healthy weight in the slightest.


I read their words and I would really like to help them. I would like nothing more than to hug them and tell them that their beautiful. I would like to tell them that the voice inside their head is whispering lies, they are not fat. They are beautiful.


The cruel irony of anorexia is the fact that sufferers will do disgusting things to themselves to become what they deem to be 'beautiful', which, in most cases, means dangerously thin. Taking laxatives, making themselves sick, starvation... the list seems to go on and on.


People fail to realise that beauty is not a size. It cannot be measured in pounds and inches, it cannot be measured at all actually. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and everyone perceives beauty differently. It's these subtle differences that give us all our individuality and ensure that the world has at least one person to love us back, for who we are.

Let's face it, the odds of finding one person who loves you with all their heart for who you are, out of seven billion, is pretty high.


But anorexia sufferers often do not see this. Some have their eyes set on someone (usually a complete idiot that likes their girls to be as thin as bread sticks) and will use him as their 'thinspiration'. I am sorry, but if that guy cannot appreciate beauty in its most natural form (i.e. YOU), then that guy is not worth the time nor loss of calories. 


It's sickening how accessible sites are that help young girls and boys stick to their anorexic beliefs. The first page I came across, offered a list of suggestions on why it's "better to be skinnier":

"People will remember you as “the beautiful thin one”."

"Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite."

"When you start to get dizzy and weak you’re almost there"

"When you start to get dizzy and weak you're almost there"? You're almost where? In an early grave? Because that's what happens. You stop eating food, and you're body becomes desperate for energy. It wants you to eat, that's why you get hunger pains, dizziness and nausea. It's your body's way of telling you to eat. What happens if you ignore it? Your body uses up your own muscles and organs in desperation, because it has no other source of energy left. Believe what you will, but I find no beauty in starvation, no sex appeal in killing yourself for the 'perfect body'.

"The models that everyone claims are beautiful, the spitting image of perfection, are any of them fat? NO!"

This is what makes me upset. The sufferers are not to blame for their condition. Type "Super models" into google and what do you find? Page after page of skeletons. Perfection is not achievable. Striving for perfection is a dangerous aim.


The thing I find most depressing out of all of this? People actually listen to this blogger.


The site achieved in excess of one million views.


I'm actually at a loss for what to say to that. Genuinely, my heart sank upon viewing that number. To think, people listen to this person, believing that fat is a parasite, that they will be remembered as beautiful just because they are thin, that thin people live longer than fat people...

Newsflash: People are not committing suicide with every mouthful. If anything, you are committing suicide with every purge, skipped meal and laxative.


And you won't be remembered as "beautiful". You will be remembered as the tragic reminder of the dangers of our modern society. I am sorry, but those are the terrible, terrible facts. 

Tweet, update, post, snap, scream, shout, whisper, SAY SOMETHING.

I hate the internet.


Okay. That's a huge lie, I love the vastness of it, the immense load of information, the power of connectivity... I love it.


But, That being said, the internet can make a lot of people nervous, just as I am now.


I'm worried about her. 


I've wrote about her before. Mia. I think her name is Mia...


One of the 6 billion strangers on the planet that I have never met before in my life, and am highly likely to never meet in my life, but I feel responsible in some way for the girl's safety...


Aren't we all? If you are connected to someone online, isn't that, in some respects, like being connected in "real life"? Mia is going through heavy problems right now... Eating disorders, self harm, suicidal tendencies, and (I'm sure some people will care to disagree but if that's the case, keep your opinions to yourself) bravely blogs about them for the world to see.


That takes courage. I wish I could talk that openly about my problems to my friends... let alone the world.


She hasn't updated her blog since the 14th of December last year... 

"I try to run and escape it but my feet are trapped in the quicksand. The quicksand that is dragging me down deeper and deeper untill there is no oxygen left in my lungs and no spark left in my mind."

She's tried to kill herself before... It's upsetting to see someone that seems so sweet and talented suffer in such a terrible way. I wish she'd get help.


Well... she got help actually. She has a psychiatrist, she's been in a mental institution, she's tried self control... None of it seems to work.


So I don't wish that she'd get help. I wish that she'd get better.


And I wish she would update that blog before I get sick with worry....


Reminds me a lot of Andrew's play for Advanced Higher art. A girl who blogged about her struggles with Anorexia. And the anorexic, male reader who used her as his inspiration, constantly waiting for a reply... constantly getting no response.


I hope that this girl hasn't met the same fate as the one in the play....


Is it our responsibility to help this girl? We read others blogs, tweets, status updates, tumblr updates, formspring questions, emails, texts and speak to eachother on MSN. But if you see someone who is clearly suffering, what do you do to help? Do you do ANYTHING to help?

Because it appears that most people choose to ignore them. Even if all they are needing is the knowledge that one person, one person out of six billion gives a damn.


Who knew, that in this age of constant interaction, one person could be so alone?

Vanity shall kill us all.

Twitter people, you should be aware of what this post is about...


The public menace that is Kenneth Tong.


For those who AREN'T on twitter, let me fill you in.

This is Kenneth Tong. You may remember him from Big Brother, or, like me three days ago, you've never seen or heard of him in your life). 

Why is he causing such a fuss on twitter?

Well...

Read some of his tweets and you understand why people are so upset:

"Do fat people cry themselves to sleep every night cause they are a disgrace to humanity?"

"Wake up. Your disgusting. Your so fat you don't deserve sleep. Go look in the mirror & hate yourself. I don't want you eating today. "

"The words lunch, breakfast, and dinner should now mean nothing to you, you have eaten enough for a lifetime. Stop. You are disgusting."

"Kenneth Tong: making it acceptable for skinny people globally to call fat people what they are, disgusting"

He believes that "managed anorexia" is the best way to combat the "horrors that is fat".

I cannot even begin to explain how much that pains me to read. It honestly makes me want to weep. Weep for the masses of anorexics who are forced everyday to try combating this nasty disease, because that's what it is, a disease. Do you honestly think for ONE MINUTE that you can stop your "managed anorexia" diet whenever you want? 


You can't.


Anorexia is a mental disorder, it's a compulsion. It takes one of life's biggest comforts, food, and turns it into your worst enemy. So you're thin. Woop-di-do.  Is that really worth making yourself ill over? Is it really worth your time, looking in the mirror, staring at nothing but bone and seeing nothing but fat? Not content with yourself until that last fat cell has disappeared?


You know what happens then?

You're body starts using your muscles as a food source. It's basically pressing self destruct.

This is not sexy.

This is not beautiful.

This is a mental disorder.

Do you see Chicken Pox on the cover of Vogue? Or how about those undergoing cancer treatment? No? Maybe those suffering from cholera then? Do you see them on the cover of magazines?

No. 

So tell me, why should those diseases not be shown, if models suffering from anorexia and bulimia are on the cover? I realise that this is not anywhere near to being a perfect comparison, but I hope you get my point. Anything that promotes an unhealthy lifestyle should, in my opinion, not be given exposure.

Our culture is the reason that anorexia is such a common disease. You see airbrushed, tummy tucked, personal trained celebrities. Everywhere. So we, as children, were exposed to it. And we've been exposed to it whilst growing up. And when we're grown up we'll still be exposed to it. And when we have children, we will find that the cycle will start. All. Over. Again.


It's sad. I know. And this is why so many people are angry with Kenneth Tong. For him to tell people that they are fat because they're over a size zero and, because of that, they are disgusting... it's insanity. I've never heard of someone so much crap in my entire life.


To exploit a disease as serious as anorexia, a disease that kills so many innocent lives every year, for something as trivial as fashion... It's sickening.


So please. I BEG you. Don't buy that pill. Don't be tempted to take an easy route and commit to Kenneth Tong's program. You may not believe me but you are beautiful, the way you are, flaws and all. There are seven billion people are in the world at this precise moment, so tell me, why would you want to be a carbon copy of everyone else? Why would you want to risk your health and happiness just to look a little but thinner?

You are beautiful, and you don't need to change for anyone, or anything.

The people that matter? They realise this, and love you as you are. And the people that don't? They don't matter, because if they cannot accept you, just as you are, they don't deserve you anyway.

Conformity is for the masses, individuality is for the brave.