I mean, let's be honest...
Do any...
Of these guys...
Tickle your pickle?
It's almost as if professional darts tournament have restrictions on who can enter their competition:
- Must be middle-aged.
- Must be balding or bald
- Pot bellies are desired, but not essential
- Also, you must be good at darts... you know, just throwing that in as a quick after thought
In walks Przemek and changes the darts player stereotype... forever.
Dougal and Ryan spelt his name wrong
but still, it's the thought that counts.
NOTE: Pretty sure Przemek isn't actually a darts player. But if he was, he'd definitely be the coolest one.
First day of college this week was today, and we were in nine to four. Which is five hours more than we're used to. And we were all tired. So the day could have been a complete disaster.
But it's hard not to love your time in college when you're doing my course with my lecturers and class. Actually, if you like film, TV and love spending time with awesome people, I'd say it's downright impossible.
We went in and Sara (not my friend Say-ra, but my lecturer Sa-rah) told us we'd be in the TV studio setting up an interview and delegated us different tasks.
Przemek was interviewer, Katie interviewee, Dean director, Ryan lighting operator, Dougal sound-man and me on camera.
We all helped set up the equipment, before Ryan and Dougal wandered into the editing booth thingy (technical term) and put on some S Club 7 for our musical pleasure.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE
S CLUB 7?!"
Sara brought in some random objects for us to interview someone about. These were a book about old Aberdeen, a solitaire game and a teabag.
I know, I know, it's exciting,
but contain yourself please.
Our group went for the teabag. And no-one made a teabagging joke... I'm proud of us.
I thought it was going to end up like 'Attack of the Herbals 2: Revenge of the Tea', but luckily, we just pretended that it cured cancer.
And it was made by Tetley's.
Scoff all you want, but imagine if they did find out that certain teas cure cancer...the majority of Brits would be invincible.
As usual, it was hard not to laugh whilst Przemek was doing his lines.
*NECESSARY ANECDOTE*
Kevin (technician) was recording Sara and Simon on a flip camcorder having some sort of conversation, where all you could hear was Simon saying "Ayeeee. Ayeeee."
On Friday, we brought this up to Simon, and our class started saying "Ayeeee" sarcastically to him for the rest of the lesson. The best one by far was this:
SIMON: *after explaining what we had to do* Do you guys know what you're going to do then?
PRZEMEK: *In his accent* Ayeeeee.*END OF NECESSARY ANECDOTE*
Whilst Katie was answering all of her questions about this amazing tea, Przemek began to subconsciously say "Ayeee."
I'm glad Dean wasn't in the room at this point, because he began howling with laughter at it during playback.
Sara came in to check up on how we were doing.
*ANOTHER NECESSARY ANECDOTE*
We were doing lighting on Friday and Jim was our talent. Jodie wanted evil red lighting and asked Jim to act like a villain. Jim then crouched down and as music started playing, he popped up from nowhere with a crooked eyemask and began to say this legendary monologue:
JIM: (in a wonderfully high-pitched accent) Hello, my name is *Insert character name here* but I'm also known as... the Night Terror! *the music picks up* And I'm coming after you because you've been a bad bastard. I'm coming for you with a sword that I bought fae my Granny, because she said she's too old for killing now.It wasn't exactly those words, but it was pretty damn close. We just about died when we finished recording that.
*END OF ANOTHER NECESSARY ANECDOTE*
We showed Sara this video, and she was in stitches too. Nobody can resist the charms of the Night Terror and his Granny's sword.
We then took a coffee break (we're students now, duuuh) and started speaking to Team Sabotage Proof in Dino's cafe.
We were talking about girl crushes and one thing led to another and before you know...
JODIE: Remember when I changed my laptop desktop to Puss in Boots and you said you thought he was an attractive cat?
I would never say something like that....
In my defence, look at it.
It's the cape, it's giving off Assassin Creed vibes.
It's the fur, I like fluffy things.
HE'S WEARING A HAT.
HE'S WEARING A HAT.
Going to stop because nothing I could say would right that wrong...
When we got back, we quickly did a close up shot of Katie and then sat about teaching Przemek Scottish words for the rest of the time:
DEAN: Say, "Oh, will yih gonnae nae dee that?"
PRZEMEK: It's like... you're not even saying words, just making noises.
RYAN: Now you know how we felt when you were speaking out those... Warsawians? That's not right...For lunch, Jodie, Daniel and I went to Starbucks.
We were speaking some more about girl/guy crushes:
DANIEL: Tom Hardy...
ME: Daniel would.Somehow, it got onto Hardy using his Bane voice in the bedroom.
DANIEL: *Impersonating Bane* Roll over. Oh Mr Wayne, I mean... MRS Wayne.I then had to go to pee.
I wouldn't normally mention this, but I feel as though it's necessary here.
I noticed before I sat down that there was no toilet paper, so I came out to get some tissues.
Only, before I go back in, a lady hurried in.
ME: Oooh... awkward moment when someone goes into the toilet and you forget to mention there's no toilet paper. Hope she notices.She didn't.
So what did she do? Air-dry?
Nope. Out of desperation, she used the toilet roll tube itself.
*Moment of silence for desperate pee-ers everywhere*
Walking back to college, we saw guitar wifey:
DANIEL: I'm going to have her score my project.
Good luck
Afternoon was spent script-writing. We had to come up with two character descriptions and two locations. We then split up into pairs and chose two random character descriptions and a location and had to come up with a scene from that.
Alex and I got Sandra (18 year old student) and Logan (19 year old bum). What was their location?
The harbour.
Otherwise known as prostitute paradise or STI central.
We didn't go down the anticipated route however, we had the pair witness a kidnapping. Logan throws his skateboard at the windscreen in order to get the kidnapper to stop, they crash into a lamp-post and Logan drags the guy out of the car, who then says:
"There's a logical explanation for this!"The police then come over to investagate, the kidnapper is almost arrested before revealing that this is just some elaborate sexual fantasy that the couple were carrying out, and not a genuine kidnapping.
Awkward.
I'd tell you about Danny and Daniel's script (involving character's named Shannanay and Abduul), but feel as though the racism squad would shut me down. So I won't.
Hope you've all had a lovely day!
Lauren xxx
P.S. Interview with John Lewis tomorrow... wish me luck!
P.P.S. Rejected (again)
